An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
