Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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