we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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