I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
