im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
