We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
