i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize