he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
