He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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