He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
