he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
