My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
