If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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