got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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