Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
