It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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