Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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