Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
