Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
