the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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