I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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