For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
