At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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