I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
