Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize