After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
