i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
