absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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