I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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