did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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