Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
