he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
that may or may not have been my penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
