It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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