So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
