Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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