Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
