"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
And then he peed in my hair
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