I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
