Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
