Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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