You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
well you can't waste a boner
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
