My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
