I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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