he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
