dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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