ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ate ashes out of my bong
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
