Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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