Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
