ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize