Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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