Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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