There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
