I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
