i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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