i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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