remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize