i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
