Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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