You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
