No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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