Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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