You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
