I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
