we have pet lesbian snakes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
