So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
