cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
