I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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