glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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