Rock
Scissors
Fuck
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
